The Wild Ride to the Hotel

As we went swirling through the mad crush and rush of traffic. Thee heavily loaded vans in a wild caravan (Nethaniel and Jasiah in the first van, Celina, Joshua and I in the middle van and Brandon and Carissa in the last). It was hard not to feel that you were caught in the middle of a giant video game without rules. The taxies, jeepnys, three wheeled motorcycles, regular motorcycles, three wheeled bicycles and the thousand of pedestrians, were all players, and traffic signals were an irrelevant back drop to the insanity that swirled around us.

I confess that I felt overwhelmed and out of my league. Anything seemed to be permissible other than two vehicles occupy the same space, which nearly happened repeatedly, or a vehicle and a pedestrian occupying the same space, which also nearly happened on several occasions. In non technical terms, I am trying to say that everything was permissible on the roads of Manila, but hitting other vehicles or people and there were many near mises. .
I could not help but think it was like a three dimensional ping pong game only the ball, which were the vehicles, were not allowed to make contact with the paddles, which were other people or cars.

I want to emphasis that these are my first impressions and first impressions are seldom correct. At the risk of being inaccurate in my facts and impressions, I still want to share with you my thoughts and feelings as we drove helter skelter through this swirling mass of humanity which is Manila.

Besides the obvious differences I mentioned above I could not help but be impacted by the crush of humanity everywhere in Manila. The side-walks, where they existed were filled with people, sometimes the people spilled over into the streets as hundreds of people walked in what should have been the outside lanes of traffic and the shoulder of the road. In the middle of the vehicles lanes of traffic, such as they were, there were people stuck in the center of the road trying to pick their way through the speeding mas of vehicles. Others were walking in the road, as vehicles of all sorts flew past them at break neck speed within a foot of their bodies.

In the middle of this organized flowing pandemonium, God opened my eyes to the need in Manila and the Philippines. I turned to Celina and tried to express it to her but the noise and confusion kept her from understanding me. I wanted to weep, I have been crying a lot lately, especially during the preparations for our departure. However, this was different, my eyes filled with tears, as I felt the crush of humanity, the burden of their multiplied sins, the crushing weight of their hopeless condition before a just God. Yes, I know this applies to all men everywhere. But in the United States and Houston in particular, we are so organized, insulated and isolated from each other that the size and weight of the task seems manageable, the burden at home is not as blatant and obvious.

In Manila, the crush and burden of sin is heavy in the air, the weight is palpable. As we drove through this swirling mass of humanity, madly rushing to some unknown destination, I was dramatically impacted by the Lord with the concept that we and they are all madly rushing into eternity. That we are all hurrying on to our inevitable end, yet pretending it will never happen. In Manila where the poverty, dirt, dust, mud, hopelessness, and despair, is written everywhere on the faces, clothes, and buildings it is easy to see and feel the heart of God for the Filipinos.
I had three strong and disturbing feelings that welled up inside me and washed over me.
First my heart broke for the people, and the neighborhoods we drove past. They know not God nor the power, forgiveness and grace of God. Secondly, I felt the crushing size of this project. I felt humbled and even humiliated by the preposterous idea that we could make an impact, in this swirling mass of humanity. I thought to myself, how can we mere humans, earthen vessels, if you will, ever make a ripple among the 85 million Filipinos that inhabit this archipelago. The weight of this thought was debilitating and made all my confidence flee. I thought to myself this is to big, this is impossible, this can’t be done. I even thought we have come all this way for nothing. We are wasting our time.

I cannot express how hopeless I felt and despondent I felt at that moment. It seemed like a big tragic joke that I had played on myself. I, who was always prepared and sure of the purpose and direction of God in this endeavor, now felt overwhelmed and defeated by the size of the project. We had bitten off more than we could ever hope to chew. Yes in that moment I understood what it was like to say and feel that "there were giants in the land."

I cannot explain how fast these revelations washed over me or how powerful they were with mere words. What I can tell you is that God let me see a glimpse of the overwhelming need, from His perspective, and in the next moment he humbled me and showed I had know hope of accomplishing this monumental task.

In the next moment, he gave me a third revelation, by reminding me that "His grace was sufficient, and that His strength was made perfect in weakness," in my weakness. In a matter of moments God showed me his heart for the Filipinos. In comparison to the heart of Christ, I felt self serving, calloused and arrogant. A moment later, he showed me the monumental gravity of the task at hand, leaving me feeling weak, silly and foolish. God forgive me for my arrogance, self-sufficiency and pride. Forgive me for thinking I was going to help God. Forgive me for thinking that "I was able" instead of realizing that only "our God is able."

I was in the Philippines for one hour and I already have had an awakening, I pray for many more. Lord, let me be as it were born again, again, to your will, your purpose, and your way. Lord fill me again with your Holy Spirit and with your insight into this your ministry, the ministry of reconciliation. Lord let me always see the Filipinos as you see them and let me always trust in your strength alone. Let me not "lean on my own understanding" and instead let me fall back and lean upon your plan, your will and your way, to accomplish your work and to live our life. Your strength is not only sufficient it is the only strength that is adequate.

The last thing that happened to me during this initial drive from the airport was that God gave me a love and compassion for the Filipinos. I think when he shared His heart for the Filipinos with me His love remained in my heart. Now, two days later as we were leaving Manila for the mountains in the north, we were passing through the worst squaller we had been exposed to and I turned to Celina with tears in my eyes and I told her "I love these people." She looked at me like that is a strange thing to say out of the blue, on bumpy bus ride through Manila. She was right, it was strange even strange to me but God has placed this compassion, burden and love in my heart for these people and I feel it when I see them.

God has allowed me to see them as he does. I understand that they are all sheep without a shepherd. It is a fearful thing to be helpless in a land of sin and death without a shepherded and redeemer.

To be without Jesus is a sad and fearful thing and the results of the need for a shepherd are visible all over the Philippines.

In Christ service, Carl